Hammer Time
by foxylikeme
Summary: Tony finally makes good on his promise to take Thor to the dazzling Manhattan bars and they run into a bit of trouble. I think we all know where this is going.


"See? I told you I'd take you out drinking," Tony shot back at Thor as he swaggered into the new nightclub called Red Feather.

"INDEED. WE SHALL DRINK AND FIGHT AND MAKE OUR ANCESTORS PROUD ON THIS NIGHT. I AM MOST HONORED THAT YOU HAVE SELECTED ME TO ACT AS YOUR ALE CONSUMING COMRADE!" Thor bellowed jovially as he caught up to Tony and smacked him heartily on the back.

"Yeah well you are my drinking buddy tonight. But Thor. Please. Don't get emotional about this. I have many drinking buddies. Another thing, please do not make fighting the goal for the evening. I do not need to be paying damages to this place because Mr. 'let me show you my hammer and how good it smashes' comes out to play."

"STARK, YOU ARE MISTAKEN. YOUR WEAK MIDGARDIAN SPIRITS HAVE NO POWER OVER ME."

"Tell that to my lawn. Remember the night you were drunk and thought you were locked out of the tower? You smashed around my yard for 15 minutes before you realized that all you did was not turn the door handle all the way. I had to buy a new lawn, Thor. An entirely new lawn," Tony expressed in mock disapproval as he waved the bartender over to serve them their first drinks of the night. Having nothing to refute that entirely true statement with, Thor just laughed and sat down on a stool. Thus began a night of much drinking and merriment. Some women eventually sauntered over to the two highly intoxicated superheros and grabbed their attention. Tony chatted candidly with one about the inconsistencies in many quantum mechanical theories while Thor mumbled dreamily about the battles he'd won in other realms as well as the thrill of consuming midgardian pastries. Two men walked over to them with less than pleased expressions. It soon became apparent that the women they had been talking to had brought dates. Very aggressive, very possessive, very inebriated, dates. Both men were so upset, they shoved Thor and Tony.

"I DID NOT MEAN TO SEDUCE YOUR MAIDEN AWAY FROM YOU, SIR. THAT WAS NOT MY INTENTION. BUT IF YOU LAY YOUR HAND ON ME OR MY MEAD INGESTING COMPANION I WILL BE FORCED TO SUBDUE YOU." Thor lifted his hammer threateningly. Tony decided he wanted to do some insulting,

"Hey, shit for brains. Don't you know who we are? Or do you not know how to read a newspaper? No wonder this lovely lady ditched you for more refined sensibilities. We are superheros. You know the ones that saved your ass from an alien race of hostile forces while you were probably pissing yourself in a corner somewhere. We. will. fuck. you. up."

This prompted one of the men to direct his attention to Thor. "Superheros, huh? Well that hammer seems awful big. Sure you aren't overcompensating for something?" Thor became confused.

"STARK. WHAT ARE THE MEANINGS OF HIS WORDS? SHALL I BECOME ANGRY NOW?" What the man had said upset Tony. No one was allowed to make fun of the Thunder God. That was his thing. So turned to Thor and said the only thing he had to say to get the ball rolling,

"He said you have a small penis." Thunder began to roll outside and lightning flashed as Thor stood up and poised Mjolnir for a fight.

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF WHAT YOU DO NOT KNOW. I HAVE NEVER ALLOWED YOU TO GAZE UPON MY PHALLIC ORGAN AND IT'S MAJESTY. YOU SIR, ARE A LIAR! THIS WILL NOT STAND!" Thor took the hammer and delivered a powerful blow to the face of the now very regretful man. He was thrown easily to the other side of the club. Everyone gathered around the man and saw that his face was nothing more than mess of broken teeth and torn skin. Everything halted and became silent except for Tony's voice

"How'd you like that overcompensation right in your face?! BOOM!" All the club patrons turned to face Thor and Tony. Many had hostile expressions. "Alright big guy, I think that is our que to leave." The crowd was closing in on them rapidly so they bolted from the club as quickly as possible. As they sped toward the Tower a few blocks over Tony shouted to Thor, "We are most definitely banned from that place, lets make a promise right now to never let ourselves do that again, okay?"

"AGREED, ALE CONSUMING COMRADE, AGREED!"

update:

Tony Stark and Thor Odinson have been banned from 13 other establishments since that day


End file.
